Saturday, February 16, 2008

Hush little baby

Hush Little Baby
(The American birth experience version)

Hush little baby don’t say a word

Mama’s got the best doctor in the world

And if he says to stay in bed

mama won’t worry her little head

And if he says here take this drug

mama’s gonna trust his lyin’ mug

And when they strap her belly tight

Mama tries to hold still with all her might

And when some food would sure taste nice

Mama has to beg for chips of ice

And if that baby just won’t come

Mama’s just fine, she’s almost numb

And then they’ll wheel her to the OR

So mama can begin life with The Scar

Now mama’s high and gutted good

And baby’s choking down fake nursery food

But it’s okay, baby don’t you fear

The only thing that matters is that you’re here


Anonymous said...

(Shudder) Creepy. Sad & True.

Rose said...

As someone whose baby died because a c-section was not performed on time I find your little poem quite offensive. I also find your pathological hatred and self-obsession with c-sections in general and your "scar" very disturbing (have you sought psychological help for this?). Yes, being in a hospital with doctors (or should I say 'lyin' ones? and machines and having a c-section may not be the most pleasant experiences in the world but you know what? At the end of the day ALL THAT MATTERS THE MOST IS THAT YOUR BABY IS HERE. Only someone whose baby was born alive and healthy would not be able to understand this. Life (and health of course) is the most important. Not HOW your baby came into this world. You moan as if a c-section is the worst thing to ever happen in your life. If it is you don't know how lucky you really are.

Doctors are not perfect. But it is only in retrospect can you know whether a c-section was really necessary or not. Having lost my baby I would say it is better to be safe than sorry. I wouldn't want you or anyone else to suffer like I have. Try and keep things in perspective please.

vbacwarrior said...

"As someone whose baby died because a c-section was not performed on time I find your little poem quite offensive."

As someone whose baby was unnecessarily surgically removed from her body, I find my poem very cathartic.

"I also find your pathological hatred and self-obsession with c-sections in general and your "scar" very disturbing (have you sought psychological help for this?)"

I find *your* pathological hatred and self-obsession with my blog very disturbing. You put the word SCAR in quotations as if it were only a silly word I made up. SCAR is a real word and I have a quite long, purple one to prove it. (I have not sought psychological help. I am perfectly sane and lovely, thanks)

"ALL THAT MATTERS THE MOST IS THAT YOUR BABY IS HERE. Only someone whose baby was born alive and healthy would not be able to understand this."

As a woman who stood holding her young sister's hand as she pushed out her dead baby, I have to whole-heartedly disagree with you. I saw first-hand that babies die. And yet, just 8 weeks I conceived a son and planned a home water birth after cesarean.

"Having lost my baby I would say it is better to be safe than sorry. "

I agree with you here. It's just that YOUR definition of safe and MY definition of safe are worlds apart.

"Try and keep things in perspective please"

Try to remember that this is *my* blog, please.

Aidan's mom said...

I agree in spirit, I think, with some of what Rose was trying to impart. Though I believe it could have been said more gently. I read with great sadness the story of your sister and her loss. It is absolutely devastating to lose a child. It is also devastating to fear for WEEKS that your child may die in your womb at any time due to your condition. (this was my fate for 7 long weeks) Then I watched helplessly as my 1.5lb son struggled for life. He spent 48 days on a ventilator. He finally came home to us 105 days after the day of his birth.

We struggled with home oxygen for 4months, isolation from every human being we knew because if exposed to RSV my son would likely have died, pulmonary appointments, follow up appointments with neurologists, and weekly weigh ins at his ped. I struggled up to 10 times per day to pump my milk for him for 8 long months. I took a drug from Canada to boost my milk production. My son's lungs were so weak in the early months, that real breastfeeding was not possible. This crushed me. Every possible "normal" experience in early motherhood was gone.

Then when starting solids, my son developed HUGE feeding problems vomiting on me up to 5-6 times a day. We went to feeding therapy every week for months.

Every milestone my son achieved was greeted with an internal "phew" as he managed to reach it on time. We worried with every new milestone that perhaps he might not reach it.

What is the moral of my story do you ask? Do I want pity? No. Against tremendous odds, my 2.5 year old is a "normal child". He walks, he talks, he says his ABCS and counts, he jumps, he hugs and kisses us, and he is done with all of his specialists.

You see, I think what I am trying to say is this....You 've had a terrible experience. I won't deny that. We all have our own definition and reality of terrible. Mine happens to have been different than yours.

But at some point, I needed to decide how much time I was going to give my terrible experience. I found that the more I thought about it and wallowed in it, the worse I felt. The less energy I had to devote to what I have right in front of my eyes.

I truly hope you understand where I am coming from. I am not suggesting you didn't experience trauma. I am just wondering if perhaps you feel stuck and are having a hard time moving past it?


Dina said...

No, Rose and Lori.
You missed the point.
Some C-sections are necessary. Vbacwarrior has admitted that herself.
But they carry risks.
And psychological ramifications.
Would you fault someone who suffered after a mastectomy?
Of course not.
But it was lifesaving!
And what about someone who had a mastectomy... and then found out that it was completely unnecessary, preventable, AND set her up for future health problems.
What would you say then?
We're all sorry about your babies, but an unnecessary C-section won't save them.
It will only scar the mothers.
(And in many cases, the babies too. Google "lung problems and C-section" if you don't believe it.)

Anonymous said...

Rose and Lori have both written powerful posts, each coming from a different place of pain and fear. I commend Rose for speaking out; not only does she recount an incredibly sad and painful time in her life, she also exposes herself to insult and attack. Lori has an excellent point also about the possibility of feeling "stuck" - might be worth exploring...

Of course this IS *your* blog, but the fact that you invite comments suggests that you are interested in what readers, like Rose or Lori, have to say. If receiving a negative comment every once in awhile is too difficult, perhaps you should consider going private.

Aidan's mom said...


Actually YOU completely missed the point of MY comment. First, let me tell you that you don't know my background. I was a pre-med major and worked in medicine for 9 years of my career. I am *well* aware of lung problems with c sections. Your comment that I google it was insulting. I probably know more about babies and lung issues than you do since I had a 28 week preemie who was on a vent, on cpap, and on home O2 for a while. I also worked in the respiratory care area of medicine before the birth of my son. I am happy to say that my son's lungs are wonderful today. His pulmonologist stopped seeing him a year ago and he is only 2.

I NEVER suggested that the blogger did not suffer pain or trauma. So I didn't miss her point.

My comment was aimed at giving a little different perspective. To show another face of trauma. And to very gently suggest that the poster might be a bit stuck in her grief. I know I was for a while. I know that I suffered severe PTSD from my near death and my son's near death experience. Only with counseling was I able to truly deal with all of my emotions and move on with my future.


Jill said...

Lori makes a great point: we have all had trauma. Just because one trauma differs from another doesn't make the other trauma any less real. Good thing for us all to remember.

Naomi Boyce said...

I had an unnecessary caesarean, I totally relate to the blogger, I still have anger and pain, nearly 3 years later, I've been lied to and cheated, this blog shows me that what I am feeling is normal, that someone else feels the same way, in in sharing our grief, we know we are not alone. I HATE that saying 'at least you have a healthy baby' 'at least you are alive' well what good is it when your baby has health problems caused by unnecessary Caesar, what good are you when you are a shell of a person, when you look at your child and there is no feeling of love there, there is no feeling of possessiveness? what good is a broken mother? one that is physically alive yes, unnecessarily scarred internally and externally, but dead inside, with nothing but anger and resentment and pain within her. If I didn't have God in my life I'd have jumped off a bridge, I came close many a time. Motherhood is supposed to begin with joy, mine began with fear, anger, resentment, betrayal, abuse. my son's life was meant to start with love and care, yet nurses placed him in boiling hot water for his baths, hotter than I would bath in, and I could do nothing about it because although I could hear his desperate screams I couldn't get out of bed, way to make a mother feel capable, I will forever hear the suction machine as the first sound I heard when my baby was surgically 'born', the child they put in front of my face could have been someone elses, I had no connection. and I'll never forget his screams of pain and feeling helpless and tormented. Even with my relationship with God, the hatred that burns inside my heart is very difficult to combat, even though I pray about it often. Thank God for sites like this where I can feel validated that I'm not the only person who has been abused in such a manner, stripped of my soul and left an empty shell. I'm glad that this blog is as honest as it is, because it makes the hate go away a little bit, it makes the anger more manageable.