Friday, April 3, 2009

Shucked

This poem is part of my How I Got Here post on my sidebar, but I thought it deserved it's own "space" so now I'm giving it one.


Shucked


To think of myself as an animal

Led to the slaughter

Not really choosing

They stripped me

They shaved me

They shot me

Full of fear

So I'd be losing

All the feeling

But the feeling never goes

I heard 'oh you won't feel anything'

When I couldn't move my toes

First the needle

Then the knife

And they say that it's all right

They say I'll feel some tugging

But I don't, I just feel nothing

I was screened from my body

It's bloody

The baby, where's my baby

There's the baby

Could be anybody's baby

They take it away

And I'm left on the table

I want to be happy

But right now I'm not able

To see past the


blood


and the


light


And the


screen


Strapped to a table

The end of the dream

Gutted and cold

In pain and alone

Unable to speak, or to cry or

To moan


But the hate

And the anger

And the pain

Will subside

After I've grieved

After I've cried

I won't have the nightmares

Or wake with such fright

I'll think back and smile

On that terrible night


My wonderful baby

So tiny and pink

At that moment all I could

Think of was

my pain and

my fear

But what about you?

So cold and so scared

So little, so new


I look in your eyes

And I know what to do

I'll weep and

I'll mourn

Then I'll tuck it away

Doesn't mean it's not there

But I'll keep it at bay


So now when I think about how

My baby came into this world

I choose to think of myself as an oyster

And my beautiful baby,the pearl.




3 comments:

Diana J. said...

That was lovely.

Emilie said...

This is exactly how I felt with my c/s. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Your poem was beautiful. I've read your story and it hit home! Though I am not quite to the point of thinking as my body as an oyster and our little girl as a pearl, I hope some day to be able to. For now I will leave moment by moment. It's been almost 10 months since my c-section it still hurts so much every day. But like you I have learned to tuck it away. Like you I have my days. Thank you so much for showing and sharing. I thought I was alone. I thought I wasn't supposed to feel this way.

Kyleigh Gray, MS